I was feeling feels this morning thinking about beauty, societal conditioning and the release of endorphins that is associated with feeling beautiful. There are so many variables associated, both internal and external. (This was all after posting a photo of myself on Instagram.) I have a tendency to delete the photos I post because I don’t want to be vain. I teeter totter on a tight rope of shoulds shouldn’t in regards to anything focusing on appearance. I have a strong appreciation for authenticity, individuality and intelligence. Focusing on the way I look was always more of a distraction than anything else.
I’ve spent 40 days in Lakhimpur ( a small part of Northern India) teaching Yoga and English. I’m now back in Burkina Faso-Africa, getting rest before returning to volunteer at an orphanage I was serving at in January at the start of my trip.
I’ve been reflecting on the smaller details of this journey and felt compelled to share my experience with the dainty shade of purple known as lavender.
I haven’t been writing much lately except for jotted ideas and feelings scribbled in my physical diary/notebook. Today I read an article I wrote with my Mom for Tallahassee Womens Magazine and this sparked my urge to write again. It’s something that just comes to me mellifluously. It’s because I write from my heart, and today I realized how truly happy that makes me feel. To share my truths with the world, gives my life purpose.
I remember impatiently telling my Mom that I wanted to blog what I had written before the issue would be published. This is because I just wanted to get something posted on my blog….I was impatient out of desperation. That tends to occur when my neurosis blocks the thoughts that flow from my higher self to my lower self, I get all worried and anxiety ridden (I wasn’t practicing yoga consistently that past couple weeks and it showed). It showed in my attitude, my posture and my speech.
I always tell myself I want to be someone my younger self would think is awesome.
I was an inquisitive kid, I eavesdropped on adult conversations and asked questions so much that my Mom paid me to be quiet on more than one occasion. I remember wondering what made people the way they are.
Sometimes I have conversations with the idea of my younger self (1st/2nd grade) and I ask her questions about staying true to myself…How are we doing? Are you happy with who we are becoming?
This could just be the crazy in me but I do really thinks it’s a powerful exercise and it’s shaped my life in many ways. It keeps me in tune with my inner child, with adventure, curiosity, vulnerability and honesty.
Kids are wise in ways we only hope to never forget. What better kid to consult with than yourself?
The kid who knows all your deepest wildest dreams. The kid who knows the snotty side of you that the world frowns upon. The kid that wasn’t afraid of judgement until the world taught them to be. The kid that has your back. The kid that can help you find your freedom.
Live in divine purpose, love the journey, and seek the light of truth. Know that each and every one of us carries a unique light with the potential to illuminate the shadows of existence, unveiling the beauty of all that is yet to be discovered and understood. My expanse into this portal of revelation is through immersion in art, yoga and science; the intimidation of the unknown dancing with the thirst of curiosity. In my search to find where these phenomena collide, I met a true appreciation for the quenching awesomeness of knowledge, the essence of wonder; a path to freedom.
You don’t have to explain everything to everyone. Your life is yours alone to understand. Like abstract art, it’s simply there… it speaks a story without saying anything at all. People may have different interpretations of your life that are far from your own, some may make assumptions about what you do or why. Sometimes these judgements come from the ones we care deeply about; friends, family, peers etc.
That’s okay. That’s expected. That’s a part of life.
What matters is your genuine honesty with all that is you!
Stand tall on your two feet and walk the walk. It’s your journey…the only person who needs to grasp the impact and purpose of each step is you.