I was feeling feels this morning thinking about beauty, societal conditioning and the release of endorphins that is associated with feeling beautiful. There are so many variables associated, both internal and external. (This was all after posting a photo of myself on Instagram.) I have a tendency to delete the photos I post because I don’t want to be vain. I teeter totter on a tight rope of shoulds shouldn’t in regards to anything focusing on appearance. I have a strong appreciation for authenticity, individuality and intelligence. Focusing on the way I look was always more of a distraction than anything else.
My Dad always tells me that vanity is the biggest trickster of them all, the kind of soul sucking monster that shackles you to the shallow walls of superficiality. On some level I know that appreciating ourselves is a part of self-love. I guess I’m just scared of that self-love becoming a gateway drug into the crack house of selfie zombies. The older I get, the more careful I am about the seeds I plant in the garden of my mind. Vanity is a tough one. There’s a fine line and I’m not sure where to draw it. I expressed my emotions regarding this matter in a little poem I wrote this morning on a whim.
“They say vanity will get the best of me,
so I try not to feel it too heavily.
But when I feel pretty it feels good.
I know ‘ feel good’ doesn’t mean ‘should’.
I’ve learned that the hard way in more ways than one.
God please tell me how this sh*t should be done.
I wanna find a happy medium, a place in between.
Moderation and morality fit for a queen.
Tell me what to do in this life of sensations.
Tell me what to do to get true vibrations. ”
– Tavia Rahki