After my parents divorced I couldn’t look at ‘The Huxtables’ without feeling a ripping tear at my heart. (I grew up watching the Cosby show with my family and I remember the pride I had in how perfect I felt my family was). Keep in mind, I was just a year shy of starting college when the divorce monster was birthed from nowhere (at least for me it seemed quite sudden). My point is, it was the hardest thing I’ve dealt with in my 25 years.
(still thankful, I know it could be worse …trying to stay as positive as possible here)
Divorce is hard. I assume everyone knows this… so, I guess that’s why I haven’t ever written about it from my personal experience.
The hardest part of all is trying not to re-live the past over and over in my mind, analyzing what went wrong or trying to put pieces together. It’s exhausting.
I can now say that for the first time I didn’t see the past or feel anger and grief, I didn’t think first of my “used-to-be” family…(I saw this photo while searching for memes and my first thought was of how cute and convincing Cliff and Claire were at acting in love on the show. Their chemistry was amazing.) My parents had that picture perfect love as well, but it was very real! That’s what makes divorce so difficult and hard to understand.
I love the gift of love and I want everyone to find theirs truly.
Understanding that everyone deserves this blessing, sets me free form condemning either of my parents for divorce.
If I do sit and think about it for too too long (more than a few minutes), I do feel the tickles of despair creeping in, but I’m choosing to not let that pull me back. I’m moving forward. I think I am feeling true forgiveness. I’m thankful to be writing about this without crying or feeling a hot intensity behind my neck and throat, without placing blame or feeling inadequacy. I have my yoga teacher training to thank greatly for guiding me to this open self reflection and expression.
So Mom and Dad, I love you both dearly and I’m glad the stars aligned, and He put us together (literally our DNA is unique to us in a special way!). I wish nothing but joy for you both. Thank you for making me who I am today.
I’m healing! I’m healthy! I’m happy! I’M HERE!
That’s something to celebrate.
I think I’ve been approaching life in simple dimensions, trying to gather all the information I can to crack the code. But maybe, it is not a puzzle to be solved, it’s an experience to be had. Being in the moment is truly the only way to be satisfied with not having all the answers. True happiness. But there’s a catch, you can’t live in ignorance either. You take on the full experience. The good and the bad (still figuring out what that really means). And then I guess you have some faith and the whole picture comes together.